Father to Father

Welcome to the world of NICU fatherhood! Whether you’re a first time father or are going for a second or third term, this surely must be a new experience. Almost a year ago to this date (January, 23rd, 2003) my daughter was born at 27 weeks gestation. After 108 days in the NICU, I can tell you my fair share of stories - from the surprise delivery, to full life support systems, to homecoming day - but I’ll start with saying you are not alone! Also take comfort in knowing that you are among some of the finest health care professionals in the country!

I want to tell you that being a NICU father is a completely different ballgame from anything else. The stereotypical father is expected to be brave, strong, and sometimes emotionless, but one look at your child hooked up to wires and tubes can rip your foundation right out from under you. I’m here to tell you it’s okay to show your emotions and even better to talk about them rather than withholding them. There will never be a better time than now for you step up to the plate and be the man you’re intended to be. By saying this, I mean that your wife and child, or children, need you as much as they need the neonatal specialists. Without a doubt there are things that we cannot do, such as breast-feeding, but this does not exclude us from being there for diaper changes, bath time, “Kangaroo care” and especially consultations with the doctors. While your primary focus is understandably on your child, don’t forget to take care of mom! In many premature births the mother feels a secret guilt about not carrying to full term. This is a topic that should always be addressed with sensitivity. Any assurances you can give her that a premature delivery was not her "fault” will probably go a long way in helping her to heal.

If you are in the position of providing the majority of economic support for your family, I recommend that you check with your employer about your leave benefits and if necessary, your rights under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Using benefits such as these will allow you to be there for your family when they need you most. On a side note, the social workers at GBMC were very helpful to us, and I would encourage you to seek their assistance with anything at all, from accessing governmental resources to personal matters.

Finally, keep hope. There will be good days and bad days. When possible, make friends with your NICU “neighbors”. My wife and I made some incredible friends during our stay with which we will always share a very special bond. The social workers offer a support group, which was a good place for us to share our hopes, fears and concerns about our child, and was also a great way to pass the 6:30-7:30 shift change! If you have any questions or concerns that you would like to discuss “Father to Father”, my number will be available with the social workers.

Sincerely,

George Mussini
Father of Angelina
Born January 23, 2003
Homecoming: May 13, 2003 (Mother’s Day)