Practical Parenting: Young Adults Don’t Need Your Advice

Young adults are on the precipice of adulthood and sometimes parents forget they are also in transition mode—from our child’s manager to more of a coach. This episode helps parents dissipate the friction caused by transferring control to children, facilitating autonomy and independence, and launching them into the world.

Dr. Theresa Nguyen, Chair of Pediatrics at GBMC HealthCare and co-host of the podcast, recently gave a TEDx Talk on this subject.

It is a necessary part of childhood, and parenthood, to empower young adults to take ownership of their decisions and learn from their experiences. Dr. Nguyen uses a compelling analogy: just as children need to learn how to put on their coats independently, young adults need the space to handle life's challenges without their parents stepping in to solve problems for them.

While this might seem like an easy task, it can be extremely difficult when parents see their children struggling or making mistakes. The key is to “zip your lips” and refrain from offering advice unless it is specifically asked for. This shift requires patience, active listening, and trust that the young adult will figure things out in their own time.

It’s also important to build a strong support network or village around young adults. It’s not just the parents who should be involved in a young adult's life, but extended family members, mentors, and close friends. This community offers different perspectives and provides a safe space for young adults to seek advice without feeling overburdened by parental expectations.

Young adults need to develop their internal compass—their "why"—rather than relying solely on external achievements. Purpose should come from within, not from meeting societal expectations or career milestones. This shift in perspective helps young adults build resilience and a sense of self-worth that isn’t tied to a specific outcome or achievement.

Parents need to embrace the discomfort of seeing their children make mistakes and experience setbacks. Through failure, young adults learn invaluable life lessons that foster growth. Life isn’t about perfection but embracing the journey—mistakes, challenges, and all. For parents, our goal is to support our children in becoming independent, confident individuals who can face life’s hurdles with resilience and grace.

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