Practical Parenting: Resilience in an Age of Worry with Dr. Meredith Elkins

Parenting today often feels like an impossible balancing act. Parents are encouraged to be emotionally attuned, validating, and deeply responsive to their children’s needs, yet many are also finding themselves overwhelmed by anxiety. In this live conversation from the Women’s Club of Roland Park, clinical child psychologist and author of Parenting Anxiety, Dr. Meredith Elkins, joins Dr. Terry Nguyen to discuss how modern parenting culture may unintentionally reinforce anxiety and what families can do instead. 

Anxiety and avoidance are deeply connected. While avoiding uncomfortable situations may bring immediate relief, it actually intensifies anxiety over time. Escape is a short-term solution to avoiding discomfort and does not build the coping skills we need in adulthood to handle tough situations. 

One major contributor to this cycle is accommodation. In the clinical literature, accommodation refers to changes people make to minimize the distress of others. Parents often accommodate because they love their children and want to protect them from pain, but over time, constantly removing discomfort can prevent children from building resilience and confidence. 

Importantly, Dr. Elkins stresses that accommodation is not about “bad parenting.” In fact, parents who accommodate anxious children are often highly caring and deeply invested in their wellbeing. The challenge is finding a middle ground between overprotecting children and leaving them unsupported. As she explains, anxiety tends to grow when children are either “over-fragilized or under-supported.” 

Throughout the discussion, Dr. Elkins emphasizes the importance of psychological flexibility, the ability to pause, notice discomfort, and respond according to values rather than immediate fear. She encourages parents to start with “low-hanging fruit,” identifying small tasks or challenges children can manage independently with support. 

Another major theme of the conversation is the role of validation. Dr. Elkins explains that validation does not mean eliminating distress or convincing someone not to feel anxious. Instead, validation communicates: “I see you and what you're feeling and experiencing makes sense for you in this moment.” Parents can acknowledge difficult feelings while also expressing confidence in their child’s ability to cope. 

The discussion also explores why anxiety feels so overwhelming in the first place. Dr. Elkins describes anxiety as an inherited survival response designed to keep early humans safe from danger. Today, however, that same system is often activated by social pressures, uncertainty, and fear of failure rather than physical threats alone. Understanding this can help people recognize that painful emotions are uncomfortable, but not necessarily dangerous. 

Dr. Elkins encourages parents to model bravery and emotional honesty for their children by talking openly about their own moments of discomfort and resilience. Rather than trying to present perfection, parents can show children that hard feelings are manageable and temporary. 

Neither parents nor children need to avoid discomfort to thrive. By validating emotions, reducing accommodation thoughtfully, and approaching fears rather than escaping them, families can build resilience and confidence over time together.

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